Thursday, August 18, 2005

WHY TYPE OF CANCER ARE YOU?

It's time mankind wised up and realized what kind of plague we are to our planet and even to ourselves. Answer the questions below and tally up your score to see exactly what kind of cancer you are:


1. What do you smoke?


Marlboro
Winston
Pall Mall
Whatever is cheapest
Cigars
Weed
They don't let me smoke inside anymore



2. Given the choice, you would prefer:


Crunchy
Creamy
Don't care for lubrication




3. Favorite Video Game Character:


Link
Mario
Master Chief
Leisure Suit Larry
That guy who steals cars and beats up hookers
The 7up Spot



4. Favorite make believe sexual situation


Dirty Sanchez
Pinch-Pot Mudworks
Donkey Punch
Dog in the bathtub
The Rodeo Clown
The Angry Pirate



5. Favorite aphorism for taking a shit


Dropping the kids off at the pool
Charming a bowl of snakes
Birthing a tar baby
Painting the bowl
Taking the Browns to the SuperBowl



6. How often do you masterbate?


Every chance I get
Nearly every chance I get
Once the scabs heal
two or three times a week
Only when a social situation calls for it
Not as often as I'd like



7. What is a triumphalism?


A reference to three cocks fighting for the same chick
The doctrine, attitude, or belief that one religious creed is superior to all others
Two small orgasms followed by one Earth-shattering kaboom
I don't know, maybe the orgasms one



8. Pick a number between 1-6. Use that answer to figure out what type of cancer you are below:


1. Lung Cancer

You're pathetic. No one respects you. Often referred to as a self-inflicted illness. You are indeed your own worst enemy.


2. Prostate Cancer

You glutonous sack of shit! You like to sneak up on people acting like you're buddies, when really you're going in for the kill. Fortunately a litte lifestyle change and no one has to see you again.


3. Testicular Cancer

You cold frigid bitch!!! You're all about the sex, or the lack there of. God you remind me of my ex-girlfriend.


4. Throat Cancer

You ain't so bad. I can still smoke around you. Sometimes you don't allow people to speak so well, but who really needs to open their damn yapper that much? Everybody gonna die someday.


5. Breast Cancer

You attack beauty pure and simple. You often times find yourself disliking something simply because everyone else seems to like it.


6. Not a cancer

Sike!!! You're brain cancer. You're the sick fuck who can't help but fuck with people's minds.

posted by John Q. Pubic @ 5:49 PM

2 Comments:

At 2:43 PM, Blogger JJ said...

I picked 4, but I am so 5.

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger Nathan said...

I am the rare but majestic cancer of the sense of self-worth.

 

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