Serious Bullshit!

AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS, VOLUME ONE

Now on DVD - America's Funniest Home Videos: Volume One

Who the? What? There is a volume one? Why would anyone buy this unless they were the grand prize winner or runner up that season? I imagine they probably already got a copy of it on video for being on the show anyway. Really, maybe an America's Funniest Home Videos: The Grand Prize Winners, but a new DVD that implies I'm going to want to start cataloging this crap at home?

WHO decided there was a market for this? I know it's great to have TV on DVD now. Go back and watch all the episodes you missed or want to share with someone of Xena: Warrior Princess. What are you going to do with THIS DVD?

Can anyone truly tell me which clip of a man getting hit in the nuts by his child was the best? Like Trekkies who can quote specific episodes, are there people out there who would argue that the man getting hit in the nuts by his son in season 3, episode #46 is way more "Funniest" than in season 13, episode #483?

Does this DVD have deleted scenes of Mr. Saggat trying to do some of his original stand-up routine? If you've seen it, it's nothing like this show. How about scenes they couldn't show you on television like when I was hiding in my parents closet as a kid and then they decided that would be a good time to be intimate. I may have ensured my "middle-child" status that day.

Maybe there's episodes where someone sent in a video clip of someone dying or getting horribly wounded by uncle jackass's stunts but they couldn' show you on TV. What are we to look forward to next? A DVD of COPS where the criminal got away and the cop was shot in the back after his emergency brake failed and his cruiser provided no cover for him as it sunk into the marina?

Look I've seen AFHV and I remember cats falling off of televisions and someone riding a snowmobile into a ditch. I remember parrots acting like they're drunk and children singing a song until they realized they were being taped, then screaming in horror of the embarrassment(This may have only happened after the first season). I remember that dude who cried during his own wedding and the other guy who passed out reciting his vows. I remember when grandma broke her hip and when grandpa thought it was cool to take out his glass-eye at family functions. I remember when my older sister called from college saying that she wanted to drop out and become a Gypsy. I remember when Schneider made the announcement that a celebrity had just moved into the building, a race car driver named Cam Randolph. I remember when the PTA rejected the Seavers as dance chaperones. I remember when we all went to Mankato and paw and Mr. Edwards realized Rose had been kidnapped, but ended up finding her on Christmas Eve.

What I'm saying is that these are MY Favorite memories are not for sale on some DVD for the world to share. That's what makes them so special or funny or embarrassing. Putting them out there for the entire world is just obnoxious. No thank you. I'm saving up my money for Girls Gone Wild, Volume 7.

posted by John Q. Pubic @ 8:32 AM